In dark R'lyeh, Cthulhu dreams. Then posts about them on the internet.
harpsiccord asked: My Lord... I can't help but notice that in detailing the requirements of the cultists chosen to bear your, er, grand-spawn, you refrained from using gender specific pronouns. Does that mean that any of us with a strong enough constitution is fair game to be the vessel?
Yes
harpsiccord asked: It's been told that sometimes cultists mate with your starspawn to create half human, half eldritch babies. Our cult feels it is time. Have you ever seen the little abominations, and what were they like? Cute? Fussy? Is there special homage to pay to you, O Great One? The Necronomicon is silent on the subject. I think. Our translators always go mad partway through, so we need a new one (again).
I’m glad you feel that it’s time. First off, make sure whoever is doing it with my spawn is hardy enough to withstand the experience. You say your translators keep going mad; someone who can have sex with one of my kind and then bear their spawn needs to at least be able to get all the way through. Also, make sure they’re respectful, responsible people. These are my starspawn we’re talking about. You should of course be doing rituals to me, and recognizing me as your dark master. Oh, and if the starspawn in question is Cthylla, tell her to give her father a call once in a while.
To answer your first question, yes, they are so cute! Granted, I’m sure you’ll find them horrific. But I think they’re adorable. So much cuter than Shub-Niggurath’s kids.
1. Become President of the US
2. Rise from R’lyeh
3. Lose ten pounds (maybe fifteen)
4. Kill everything
5. Send world into eon of darkness and insanity
6. Catch up on reading list
Seriously, I’ve had Anna Karenina on my shelf for years now.
Actually it will be in 2013 since that when I’d take office. So, the Mayans were wrong.
Kathy Kthulhu by Marc Palm AKA Swellzombie on Flickr.
Of course I look good as a woman. I look good as everything.
David Bowie as Cthulhu
I’d be insulted if it was anyone but Bowie. Before you go thinking that it’s uncharacteristic of me to like a human, know that Bowie isn’t human. He’s a spaceman. And a goblin king. He’s very talented.
When I kill someone, it sometimes looks like this. But often there’s a lot more blood.
(Source: brutals-realm)
NECROMORPH
When Cynothoglys kills someone it’s basically like this.
(Source: therussianrevolver, via scarygirl)
I tried to avoid this argument all week. But it was inevitable; there’s one thing we always fight about.
Cyn said she’d stay and help me clean. Azathoth really trashed the place, but could Nyarlathotep lift a finger? Noooooo. But I digress. She brought it up first: “How’s the killing going these days? You still have the same ritual?”
I said yes, yes I did. And then she got all smug like she always does. “You know how I kill people?” Ugh, yes, obviously I know. Arm, ecstatic death. She only says that because she thinks her way is so much better. I do respect it, but she will go on and on.
So we get into a big fight about the whole ecstatic death versus my normal violence. Cyn says she likes to have people want to her to kill them, and that they make the most loyal and satisfying souls. Bull. Terror is the way to go.
We argued for hours until she left, all angry because I had called her pussy human-lover. Maybe a little rude, but she just gets me so mad. And she called me a hack. So it’s even.
Well, it’s the end of Hanukkah. The Solstice has passed, and Christmas. Everyone is going home today. But my party was a huge success. Not looking forward to cleaning up R’leyh though.
