Cthulhu does not mean to offend, yet.
A few weeks ago, one of my tumblr followers asked me what I thought about the War on Christmas. I hadn’t cared about it, until Carville called me and said that the press had gotten wind that I was celebrating the Winter Solstice and Hanukkah this year.
Apparently, that’s a problem. Now I asked Carville at the beginning if he thought my stance on mass murder (it’s good) and the insignificance of humanity (very insignificant) would hurt my presidential campaign. He said it wouldn’t. And I already agreed to do a staged Christmas for reporters. But he says that people think my celebrating other holidays is part of the War on Christmas.
While it’s true that I mean to obliterate Christmas, it’s only because I mean to obliterate all factions of humanity. When my time comes, an eon of great darkness will descend upon the Earth, and humans will live and die in horrific service to me. There will be no holidays.
Voters need to realize that there is no War on Christmas, yet. Soon they will learn that it is not holidays but their SOULS THAT GREAT CTHULHU WILL DECLARE WAR ON! THE GREAT OLD ONES WERE, THE GREAT OLD ONES ARE, AND THE GREAT OLD ONES SHALL BE AGAIN! ALL WILL COWER IN MADNESS UNDER OUR MIGHT!
But whether you say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays is not our concern.
